What doesn't kill me...

I made it! All week I got up at the alarm. My eyes are little bloodshot, but I did it.

Yesterday I only made a half day at work, I was nauseous and dizzy and couldn’t hold anything down till almost after 7p.m. So that was embarrassing, we share a two-stall bathroom with one other company in our building and I was ralfing like a demon was trying to escape my throat while a line built up with women trying to figure out which office I was from and was I ok? I could barely breathe between dry-heaves and I wanted to scream. Who asks an actively vomiting person if they are OKAY?

Of course, now everyone at my work thinks I’m pregnant.

Matt and I have decided to go to San Diego for Thanksgiving, and Tennessee most likely for Christmas, to be with my in-laws. I know it’s not a common sentiment with a lot of wives, but I actually really miss my mother in law. (How many women have you heard say THAT? Lol) Of course that trip will be contingent on my surgery at the end of November and healing time.

I had hoped to get out of the country during the holidays, to do some real blue-water diving, but it just isn’t good timing. The new idea is to plan something for spring, so we have plenty of time to save and make it a long one… at least a three week dive vacation to somewhere with world-famous underwater sight seeing.. Maldives, Palau, Belize, Fiji, and Philippines are at the top of our list. :sigh: just talking about it makes me smile and relax, and it’s encouraged me to stop all nefarious spending, so I’m becoming pretty proud of my savings, as a side note.

I have a new goal in mind for returning to the gym, a phase-in starting next week at least twice. It isn’t to lose weight, or to get ripped. I simply want to increase my physical endurance a little before our trip. Hopefully the end result with some physical activity will be that my back becomes stronger and the pain less intense.

I will do Spin class (Bike riding) and some beginners Yoga I think. No weight lifting, I was strictly advised by my doctors to carefully avoid any work outs that would use or involve my chest, as the fibroids could move around or become more painful. Maybe some squats for my divers legs, though. Strong legs come in handy for long surface swims.

Now that I have a dangling carrot in front of me, a goal and the reward of dive travel, I feel emotionally great. I needed something to look forward to, to prepare/work towards.

With sharing my medical drama here, I have received some incredible, incredible, beyond incredible support, advice, phone calls and general love from my friends. So many of my girlfriends are coming out of the woodwork with their personal stories, and their family members stories, assuaging my fear of the surgery and subsequent scaring.

It has been… an overwhelming experience to hear how much everyone cares about me, cares that I’m going through this, and want to be there for me.

Mom, Jessica, Katie, Vera, Cami, Allison, Sara, Emily, Delynn, Lacie, April, Jen & Keith, Taylor & Katie, Michael, Aunt Donna, Aunt Sarah, Aunt Mayra… I can’t really describe how much your love, kind words and uplifting spirits have meant to me. The ability to share with you and that you’ve listened, also means so much. I feel special. (Short bus special, as Keith would say. :p)

I think I waited to share because I felt it was a silly attention grabbing thing to do on facebook, but I’m glad I shared, I didn’t realize how much I needed to feel the love and support that I feel now.

I have spent many, many nights crying and being scared and feeling hopeless that the pain would never end, but now I just feel like I’m at least 50% of the way done with this. I see a light at the end of the tunnel, and positive words are part of helping me see that.

I know it’s early, but I can’t help but start to think of all the things I am thankful for this year. And you are all a part of that list! <3<3