Taking a
break from studying.
So much
of this Life & Health stuff is redundant, since many of the same principals
apply to both. I never knew there were so many different types of Life, Health
& Disability insurance a person could by with nearly unlimited riders (addendums)
to protect oneself from unforeseen risk/loss. I was only ever explained to the
different between Term Life & Whole Life insurance, and turns out there are
several variations of both. It’s helping me a lot to remember them by
categorizing by “good & profitable for me” and “bad for me and profitable for insurance company”,
as Matt and I are looking at buying a policy for me. He’s had one for years,
ever since his first mortgage. Because he’s responsible like that…
I have
this one recurring wish, throughout all of this, and that’s that my parents had
given a shit to better plan for us kids. I mean, not like they don’t care…. But…
my dad doesn’t. That is abundantly clear.
Whatever.
I see it all clearly now. There are parents who prepare for their children as
if they are their everything, and there are those that just collect or
ascertain children like accessories without actually giving them anything but
life. I’m not bitter, can’t you tell?
I have
had baby dreams almost every night this week. It’s driving me nuts. It’s
emotionally unnecessary.
I saw
Katie today at Starbucks, we went in for a coffee and waited a few minutes for
her to arrive since I miss her so much. I think it’s been a little over two
weeks since I’ve seen her. That’s been pretty tough, but I have a lot going on
to keep my mind preoccupied. She says everything is great, though, she doesn’t
share details. I hope she is happy. She deserves to be happy.
My mom
wants us to cut down Christmas tree’s this Sunday. I’m hoping if it’s raining
we don’t have to go. But I think I should, just for her. I did skip
Thanksgiving and I am skipping
Christmas so I guess this is the least I can do. She wants us to “all be
together”. I laughed and told her that sounded pretty awful and she laughed
too. She finally understands and accepts where I am coming from with not
wanting to be a part of the madness. It’s been a good year for me and my mom,
actually. We’ve grown a lot closer than we’ve been since maybe I was … 13? So
that’s something to be thankful for this year. Although, I still only hang out with
her apart from my dad. It isn’t my problem that he feels left out. I can’t
change that I don’t want to be a part of his life. I have (mostly) changed my
hatred and bitterness, but that doesn’t mean we have to be friends. I still am
cautious with my relationship with my mom, she flip-flops between logical
thinking and rigorous brainwashed thinking depending on …. Well I don’t know
what it depends on, but I put my guard up when she’s being all weird
drone-wife. I don’t let it hurt me anymore. I just know she won’t change it, so
there’s no use letting it bother me. For some reason I cannot bring myself to
apply the same principle to my dad. He is inexcusably controlling and
manipulative; his IQ is just too high for me to think he “doesn’t know any
better”. In fact, I think he is quite tactical in his actions, and for the most
part he has the family just where he wants ‘em. Though they are all miserable,
in their own way, they still somehow love him.
My family
has Stockholm’s Syndrome!!
I just
made myself laugh. Hahahaha oh fuck!
Ooh!
Exciting factor: I’ve found a couple of products that might benefit hubby’s
business in decreasing the amount of work comp claims, and medical benefit
costs. That’s been very …. Mmm what’s the word? It just feels great. Just in
studying, being able to speak at our business’ lunches about ways to decrease
spending or costs and I’ve actually been able to speak from an educated
standpoint now… If this is a glimpse of
things to come, helping people…
I’m even
more excited to start this job than ever.
~ Happy
for Friday and the Weekend =D
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